10 Commandments of Christmas Shopping at The Mall

I am the mall. Thou feareth me and loveth me. I am the mall.
Thou shall bringeth no false values before me, like budgets or credit limits.
Thou shalt not taketh my name in vain, especially when referring to the unbearably long list of Christmas errands you still have to do because you waited until the last minute. It is not my faulteth you procrastinateth.
Remembereth Black Friday, and keep it holy.
Honor thy sales and thy markdowns.
Thou shalt not kill…time hanging out in Starbucks or restaurants. Thy shopping list loometh.
Thou shall visiteth no other retailers but me, especially not Amazon, Wal-mart or Target.
Thou shalt not steal thy neighbor’s parking spot when clearly, his indicators blinketh.
Thou shalt not bear false witness against The Mall. Owneth up to whereth you have been; likewise, owneth up to the time thou killed whist chatting with thy neighbor instead of shopping, and the silver thou hast spent.
Thou shalt not covet thy fellow shopper’s loot. They arrivethed first (see Commandments 3 and 9).

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I’m waiting for the lightning strike.

Comment by Bruce Anderson December 17, 2013 @ 3:06 pm

Subourbon Mom