Subourbon Mom

Playoff Warm-Ups…Taunting a Mall Cop
January 11, 2013, 12:31 pm
Filed under: Sports | Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Can I just say again that I love football? Even though my team lost on Sunday, and RG3 is hurt way worse than anyone dares to even whisper, there is something about the game that brings out the inner wolf in me that stalks its prey and joins in the gory gluttony after the kill. It makes my mouth open and emit visceral screams that have no meaning, but sound something like “DeeeeeeeeeeFeeeeeense!”

It also makes me sink to a pre-game aggressiveness that puts me only slightly higher than tripping a blind man with a cane—taunting mall cops.

That’s right—I taunted a mall cop as a Playoff warm-up.

As if his job wasn’t bad enough, sitting in that Fisher Price pick-up with the not-quite-a-cop yellow lights flashing in the (now) HH Gregg parking lot.

For over a decade, my family has met in the Circuit City parking lot near the stadium to coalesce into one window-flag-waving, magnet-bearing metal container of Redskin enthusiasm. This Sunday, Hubby and I met Big Brother to continue the tradition. As usual, we waited for His Greatness, The Lateness, fretting over the possibility of losing a good parking space because of the delay, and texting our impatience in a steady stream (never mind that Big Brother had bought and assembled a new fire pit and remembered to bring wood, a lighter and newspaper—thanks, man!).

When he finally arrived, we leapt out of the car and rapidly began unloading our gear into his truck. As we did, I noticed Paul Blart, Mall Cop, sitting across the lot, watching us through his C.H.I.P.S. shades and scowling.

“Dude, I think he’s watching us,” I reported, as my status of Little Sis, a.k.a. Lookout, required.

“So?” Hubby replied. “We’ll just park somewhere else.”

After a brief discussion of where to leave our car (while I gave Mall Cop the stink-eye the whole time), we agreed to meet a couple of blocks away. As we began to pull out of our space, Mall Cop began to follow us, just to make sure we were not leaving one of our cars. I could practically see is hands twitching, ready to punch in the tow truck number.

“We should drive around a while,” Hubby said, grinning and looking in the rearview mirror.

I looked at my watch. Precious tailgating minutes were passing by, but sometimes in life, there are moments just require a sacrifice.

So off we went, Hubby and I, a modern-day Bonnie and Clyde, cruising through the HH Gregg parking lot. Mall Cop followed us at a crawl, lights flashing. We circled the lot, meandering between rows, carefully looking as suspicious as we could.

Finally, Mall Cop got wise and stopped. We stopped, too. He waited at the end of a row for our next move.

We paused for a moment, hoping he would move and we could follow him around the lot for a while, but time was short. Dan Sneider would probably have noticed that one space in the stadium lot was still empty, and sold it.

Disappointed, we left Mall Cop stewing and met Big Brother far away from Mall Cop’s prying eyes. We piled into Big Brother’s truck and proceeded to the game. It was a great day, no matter what the end result was. The Skins had done better than anyone ever expected, the tailgate food was delicious, the fans were upbeat (even after the game), and we were home by 11:00pm.

But there was one, small cloud left hanging around—I taunted a mall cop, who was probably a fan, and got stuck working on Playoff day. So for that, I’m just a wee bit sorry…but if he’s there next season, I’m putting on my Eric Estrada sunglasses, tan leggings, and boots, and following him.

21 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Ha Ha this is too funny!! You are on a roll sista……

Comment by stephaniehudnell

Terrific! Laughing my aching butt off.

Comment by Kimberly Anderson

Love it!!!!

Comment by Kristin Puryear

Glad I finally found your blog! Very funny!

Comment by Karen

So funny! I could see it all.

Comment by Sharon

So glad you liked it! Go Skins!


Comment by libbyhall

Thanks for one’s marvelous posting! I truly enjoyed reading it, you happen to be a great author.I will make certain to bookmark your blog and definitely will come back in the future. I want to encourage yourself to continue your great work, have a nice morning!

Comment by Elke

Thanks for the encouragement!

Comment by libbyhall

I don’t even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was great. I don’t know who you are
but definitely you are going to a famous blogger if you are not already 😉 Cheers!

Comment by hotmail .com iniciar sesion

Hi! Do you use Twitter? I’d like to follow you if that would be ok. I’m absolutely enjoying your blog and look forward to new posts.

Comment by ace cash advance

I wish I did–I’m still trying to figure all this stuff out! I’ll post if when I do…

Comment by libbyhall

My relatives always say that I am wasting my time here
at net, but I know I am getting knowledge all
the time by reading thes nice content.

Comment by

Glad you enjoyed it!

Comment by libbyhall

Hi, i read your blog from time to time and i own a
similar one and i was just wondering if you get a lot of spam responses?
If so how do you prevent it, any plugin or anything you can advise?
I get so much lately it’s driving me mad so any support is very much appreciated.

Comment by landing Page design

Not oo much, actually. I just periodically go through it and delete….wish I could be more help.

Comment by libbyhall

Hola! I’ve been reading your weblog for some time now and finally got the courage to go ahead and give you a shout out from Humble Tx! Just wanted to mention keep up the excellent job!

Comment by

Glad you enjoyed it!

Comment by libbyhall

My brother suggested I might like this website.
He was totally right. This post actually made my day.

You can not imagine just how much time I had spent for this info!

Comment by text from computer

Glad you enjoyed it!


Comment by libbyhall

Hi! This is my 1st comment here so I just wanted to give
a quick shout out and tell you I genuinely enjoy reading your blog posts.
Can you recommend any other blogs/websites/forums that cover
the same subjects? Many thanks!

Comment by

What’s up, this weekend is fastidious in support of me, for the reason that this occasion i am reading this fantastic informative piece of writing here at my residence.

Comment by new online dating site

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: