Subourbon Mom

Middle Age–Drawing the Grocery Store Line
April 3, 2013, 4:31 pm
Filed under: Middle Age, Misc. Humor | Tags: , , , , ,

Recently, I showed Daughter #2 a sign I saw on FaceBook that said, “There should be a line in the grocery store for people who have their shit together.”  She laughed, then looked me dead in the eye and asked, “Which line would we be in, Mom?”

Ah, from the mouths of babes. Ok, from the mouths of sarcastic 13-year-olds.  Lately, I’ve been feeling quite superior during my shopping trips (see previous blog about dressing for shopping success), even allowing myself to make some snarky internal comments about people who still pay for groceries with a check…in the express lane.

Then there’s the whole karma thing again.

The other day, I took my load of groceries to the check-out line, put them all on the conveyor belt and remembered I needed to go find a chocolate bunny to give someone as a thank you. So I left my things on the belt, took the cart and browsed for about ten minutes in the Easter aisle. When I looked down I had no idea where my stuff was.

I stood there for at least twenty seconds drawing a complete blank, when suddenly I remembered—I’d left it on the conveyor belt in the check-out line! I grabbed my cart and chocolate bunny and dashed back to the line, which was—shocker—empty. The twenty-year-old cashier was just staring at me as if I’d sprouted another arm out of my eye socket.

Not sure if I was blushing or having a hot flash, I fanned my face and gasped, “I am so sorry! I don’t know what’s wrong with me!” I’m pretty sure the teenaged bagger was smirking.

I think there should be a designated line in every store for middle-aged women. It would be long, because there are lots of us, and we’re always running back because we forgot something—usually the list we wrote to remind us not to forget anything. The line would have a bin of “found” reading glasses to use or reclaim at the front of it, and a coffee dispenser at the end–your reward for making it through. There would also be a sensor telling you when you’ve walked away after paying and left your bags sitting on the counter.

Clearly, I will never be in the line for “people who have their shit together.” Those days disappeared the day I had Daughter #1.  But I still haven’t made it to the “still pays with a check in the express lane” group either.



6 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Hilarious! I noticed you didn’t even mention your fear of the self-check out line.


Comment by Rob Hall

I think its turning into a phobia


Comment by libbyhall

I bet you’ll never forget the fig newtons and apple juice!!


Comment by Sherry

Wowmy two favorite foods! (That totally makes me sound like I’m five!) Nope–those always make it into the cart. Next to the wine. 🙂


Comment by libbyhall

LOL – love your writing & sense of humor, Libby!


Comment by Katherine Payne

So glad you’re enjoying it!


Comment by libbyhall

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