Subourbon Mom

Naked and Afraid: Hiding from The News

Recently, the news has sounded more like we’re on the cusp of Armageddon than usual. I watch a few days of it, get depressed over all the problems that aren’t getting fixed, and tune in to my standby shows that bring home to me those good ‘ol Southern values and messages I seem to crave: Duck Dynasty (family comes first and iced tea that looks suspiciously like bourbon), Arrow (a hot, I-never-wanted-this, comic book hero saves his city in every episode—courage and humility—did I mention he’s hot?), and The Newsroom (honor and perseverance).  I desperately miss The GCB (Good, Christian B*&%$#$), because nobody can put you in your place with a polite, backhanded compliment better than Southern women—the world needs more of that, and less sarcasm.

TI’ve also gotten sucked into survival reality shows because they bring comfort to those of us who might feel a little out of control in this day and age.

Recently, as we were driving to the beach, my mind went right from thinking about Uncle Si (Duck Dynasty’s quirky uncle–everybody’s family has one) to a new show on the Discovery Channel, called Naked and Afraid.

The premise of this show is that a man and a woman trained in survivalist skills are dropped into a difficult climate to survive for 21 days.


That’s right, this is on the educational Discovery Channel.

For an hour two naked people schlep through the jungle or desert, trying to protect their private parts while acting like it doesn’t matter. There isn’t any voting off the island, and Jeff Probst isn’t there to heckle them and stir the emotional pot.  I like to think of it as Survivor–Light.

I was so distracted by the fuzzed out parts and the fact that I couldn’t see how men would ever win because all their junk is on the outside (and that’s a lot more to protect), that I’m not even sure what actually happened during the episode.

So much for educational television, Discovery Channel. I don’t think I’ll tape that one for my class.

Now, while we are driving on road trips, Hubby and I don’t usually share a lot of our thoughts anymore, because those conversations usually go something like this:

Me:  “What are you thinking about?”

Hubby: “Driving. That guy in the black truck just cut me off, so I’m matching his speed.”

(Long pause.)  “What about you?”

Me:  (Long winded explanation for my train of thought for the last ten minutes.)

This time, I told Hubby what I’d been thinking about and wondered aloud how I got from Duck Dynasty to the whole Naked and Afraid topic. Hubby glanced at me and said, “You just want to see the Duck Dynasty guys naked.”


Okay, maybe Jase…ladies, am I wrong?

And it’s not just me.

Daughter #1 has started watching her own teen survivalist show: “Girl Code” (there’s also a “Guy Code,” but I haven’t seen it), in which three or four female actresses and comedians talk about all kinds of topics, from STDs to gossip to trying on bathing suits. The topics may be…low-brow, but the message is usually on target. For example, during the episode on STDs, one girl asked, “How do you stay STD free? Simple: Stop being a ‘Ho on the weekends!”

Not how I would have delivered it, but the message is still the same.

Even Daughter #2 has been watching some version of people just trying to cope in this crazy world. After seeing a show called My Strange Addiction, she told me about a woman who was eating her husband’s ashes, even though she claimed not to like the taste.  I’m not even going to take a guess at the psychology behind it, and I won’t crack any of the tasteless jokes that ran through my head, but Daughter #2, ever the existentialist, did come up with a question that made me pause:

“If you eat a dead person’s ashes, do they start missing pieces of themselves in Heaven?”

Naturally, my brain took off and I wondered: If dead people do start missing pieces of themselves in Heaven in a situation like that, what happens to the people who decompose in a coffin? Do their Heavenly counterparts start looking like zombies, with pieces of their face sliding off? Is that where the whole zombie thing comes from?  The same question could apply to those victims of cannibalism: would their Heavenly counterparts start missing pieces as their earthly bodies become somebody’s lunch?

Yep, that’s how the conversations in our house sometimes go.

So, maybe turning off the news is a cowardly thing to do, but how else would we have these discussions? I like those types of questions better than, “Mom, why do all the people in the Middle East hate us?”

6 Comments so far
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I rarely watch news anymore, but I also rarely watch TV anymore,so I’m not familiar with some of those shows you described, especially the one about the naked people in the jungle! I think you’re right to turn the news off sometimes.


Comment by Brown Road Chronicles

Sadly it’s like a train wreck…you know it’s bad but you can’t look away. C’mon, what’s your guilty viewing pleasure? Everybody’s got one…

Btw I liked your moment in time piece. Made me pause and reflect…something I don’t get a lot of time to do, so thank you!



Comment by libbyhall

Guilty viewing pleasure, huh? When I do sit down and watch, I like American Pickers, on days I work at home, I usually have the Today Show on in the background even though I’m not really watching it. And… alright… I’ll admit it… my family and I got hooked on The Walking Dead zombie series back when it was on. We didn’t watch them when they were scheduled, we DVR’d them and would watch 4-5 of them a week until we got through most of the episodes. Not sure when it starts up again but we’ll probably get hooked again!


Comment by Brown Road Chronicles

You’re about the 5th person to admit to watchng The Walking Dead…apparently there’s more to it than I thought.


Comment by libbyhall

Sooner or later someone on Naked and Afraid is going to lose a testicle.


Comment by idiotprufs

I’m telling you, it’s gonna happen…& it’ll be like train wreck I can’t stop watching!



Comment by libbyhall

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