Football Funerals

September 18, 2013, 1:36 am
Filed under: Misc. Humor, Posts, Sports | Tags: fantasy football, football, grieving, humor, NFL, Redskins, south, southern, sports, tailgate, television

I’m a Redskin Fan, and have been since I was barely a two-glasses-of-bourbon suggestion one night. That makes me an eternal optimist (what fan of a losing team isn’t?).

We’ve had our moments in the sun–who could forget John Riggins calling Sandra Day O’Connor ‘Sandy Baby?’ Or watching the super-fan in the stands waving his tomahawk and head dress in a touchdown celebration? Or laughing as the Hogettes paraded through the parking lots in dresses and pig noses? Or watching Gus Ferotte slam himself into the end zone and give himself a concussion? Ah…the Glory Days!

The Hogettes, photo courtesy of ESPN.com

For years, these types of things were the highlights of my Sunday afternoons. We spent hours agonizing over bad calls, yelling at the television, and listening to the scratchy sounds of Sonny and Sam slur their way through the broadcasts. Beers were drunk and spaghetti was gobbled off of t.v. trays.

When the Redskins won, we viewed our entire week through burgundy and gold colored glasses, riding around with flags on our cars, and wearing our Redskins hats, sweatshirts and jerseys everywhere. When the Skins lost, we listlessly slogged our way through work and school until the next possibility of glory…six long days away.

Now, there is no week of second-hand glory.

There is no mourning period.

We are no longer allowed to grieve–and this is going to do damage to the football fan psyche.

In 1970, Pete Rozelle wanted to have a football game broadcasted on a weeknight, in an effort to create more exposure and popularity for the newly-merged NFL. ABC was the only taker. Forty years later, Pete Rozelle should be thrilled–we have football on Thursday nights, all day Sunday, Monday nights, and sometimes on Saturdays. For some, this is like scoring a touchdown on 4^th and 1 in OT.

But I miss the grieving process.

I’m a football junkie. I’ve played different versions of fantasy football for years. I even love the idea of the NFL Sunday Ticket, especially since I lived overseas for a while—it was the only way I could watch my team. And football is better than melatonin for putting me to sleep on the couch three nights a week.

But by the time I’ve finished watching Monday night’s game, I have to turn around on Tuesday and start figuring out who I’m starting where in my Fantasy pool. I have to look at all of the games coming up, read the injury reports, and determine which games are important enough for me to watch. With only three days between weeks, time is of the essence. The pressure is more intense.

But more importantly, what’s going through my head when we lose, especially when we lose HUGE, like we did against Philly, never gets dealt with (puh—leeeease…the only thing worse would have been to lose like that against Dallas!).

These days, when the Redskins lose, there are only three days to let the anger I have at my own daily life safely filter into the venting I do about my team. There used to be six.

Monday through Wednesday, I rage at the Redskins and how much I hate Michael Vick, and argue that Tony Romo is a less than mediocre quarterback—and no one realizes how close to the edge I am, or how angry I got at something someone said or did to me. But if something sets me off on Thursday, everybody better just step off. On Thursdays, I’ve been forced to start thinking about the next set of games instead of working through the last ones. I have no safety valve to let off steam since I’ve been forced to move on—so I start taking it out on real people, like Hubby (see https://subourbonmom.wordpress.com/2013/08/19/fishing-frenzy/).

Just imagine how high the crime rate would be if everybody was like me, and needed the grieving process of the non-football days like I do. Thankfully, most people seem to have other outlets for their frustrations.

Like sexting, getting caught, and doing it some more, all the while running for Mayor of New York.

Or something like that.

So please, Mr. Goodell, please let us grieve. Give us our Thursday nights back. The world might be a safer place.

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I remember The Hogs. What I remember most about them is that 1986 season when we beat them three times. If I remember correctly, the last time (NFC Championship Game) the score was 17-ZIP. I think your QB was 20 for 50 and The Hogs blasted holes for the running game of 40 yards on 16 carries…. Ah for the good old (Giants) days.

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Comment by Bruce Anderson September 18, 2013 @ 1:33 pm