Subourbon Mom


Why I Drink–Or Actual Conversations in My House

Wow–times have changed in our house.  The conversations have moved from questions like, “Mommy, are unicorns real?” to “Mom, did you ever smoke weed when you were in high school?”

That question alone has sent many a parent into a tailspin. Add to that the following recent family conversations, and you begin to see why bourbon’s calming effects are…welcome.

Yesterday, my newly-minted driver, Daughter #1, went to Whole Foods after soccer practice and got some chocolate milk for herself and her sister. After deciding it tasted good at first, like  butter or melted ice cream, apparently it wasn’t so hot at the finish.

Daughter #2: “It tasted kind of like udders.”

Hubby:  “How do you know what udders taste like?”

Me (to myself…):  Oh no…

Daughter #2: “I harken back to my youth.”

 

An actual, recent road trip conversation:

On a road trip in the car, Hubby decided to pass the time (briefly–he learns quickly) by beating out the rhythm of a song on the top of my exposed thigh.

Me: “Just so you know, it’s really not cool to play the drums on your wife’s thigh fat.”

Daughter #1 (in the backseat):  “I know! He does it to me too!”

Hubby (to Daughter #1):  “Yeah, but yours is all muscle. It makes a different sound.”

Me:  GLARE

IMG_2918

And finally, after Daughter #2 owned up to lying to one of her teachers last year, Daughter #1 couldn’t stand it:

Daughter #1: Mom, you laughed when Daughter #2 told her teacher she had a disease so she could wear her short shorts to school, but you got mad when I told my teacher I couldn’t turn in my homework because the printer was broken when it wasn’t. That’s so not fair!

Daughter #2:  It wasn’t a total lie–I was still getting tested.*

Me: There’s a big difference between lying about not doing your homework and wearing shorts that are too far above the knee, when you’re legs are a mile long.

Daughter #1:  (Sighs…)  I guess either way you’re going to end up a hooker.

Hubby:  True, true.

 

*(Daughter #2 does not have a disease.  She’s fine!)


2 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Oooh, flashbacks! Funny – and I can empathize.

Comment by energywriter

Loved it, left a comment. sd

Comment by energywriter




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