Subourbon Mom

Fresh Assist – Keeping You Clean in Between

IMG_0292It’s not often these days that I see commercials that make me pause. Usually I’m skipping through them because I can’t ever seem to actually watch a TV show live, or because I’m too cheap to get the commercial-free version of an app, and I get so irritated I actually shut off the app or turn down the volume until its’ over. But every now and then one makes me stop.

The commercial for Fresh Assist, a spray that you put on toilet paper before you wipe to keep you “clean in between” was pointed out to me the other day, and I have to admit that I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time.

The commercial, like the product, is a little tongue-in-cheek, but it’s hilarious! It’s actually funnier than all the synonyms I found for laying cable in Urban Dictionary. To appreciate the rest of this blog, please take a look at the commercial:

My favorite part is the tiny, creepy smile on the actor’s face when he gets clean, right before the window shot. That was some delicate acting right there. Even creepier then THE SCENE in the movie Deliverance.

To be fair, I know the guy (Howard Deskin) who developed it, and I have to hand it to Howard for finding a marketing hole that’s between TP and those baby wipes for grown-ups. In fact, I never knew this was an issue until folks at work started talking about it. Apparently, dealing with muddy cheeks and having something called “Monkey Butt” are real problems, albeit mostly for men.Monkey butt (I had to Google Monkey Butt – again, I need to stop Googling things like this: “The uncomfortable result of your ass sweating or sharts. A wet, painful and irritating condition of the butt, causing it to swell and turn red like a monkey’s butt. Can be caused by prolonged wear or wet clothes… lack of wiping, and sweat.”

But no more, my friends. Now, there is an environmentally-friendly solution to this brown pickle.

A local radio show called Elliot in the Morning recently interviewed Howard, and they came up with soooo many puns that I won’t even try. They asked a question I never thought of – so there is proof that there are people sicker than me. Elliot asked Howard how he came up with the final product. Howard explained that he and his wife had tested many different types of products on themselves – that’s right, PETA people, no animal testing for this guy – including shampoo, hand sanitizer and shower gels. Um…hand sanitizer? That would wipe the creepy smile right off Commercial Guy’s face. But even more disconcerting is that because I know him, I now have a vivid picture of all of this happening. I can’t get that image out of my head. But his poo-severance is commendable.

Another thing to note – in addition to the two current flavors (Soothing Lavender and Cooling Chamomile), they are also developing “Refreshing Rosemary” and Vanilla. I’m not sure I want my backside to smell like the roasted chicken I make. But as for the Vanilla, I would love to hear any snazzy brand names they could use – I could only think of “Vaguely Vanilla.”

Fresh Assist. You can even get it on Amazon, and I’m sure it could be delivered to your bathroom door in under an hour using Amazon Prime.  In fact, if you’re in the bathroom that long, you probably really do need it.  Here is a $1.00 coupon from Amazon – use the coupon code NN8T5Z7B. For more information about Fresh Assist, visit the website at

So go get clean in between with Fresh Assist. I just hope Howard doesn’t get too far in the hole on this venture.

3 Comments so far
Leave a comment

“finding a marketing hole that’s between TP and those baby wipes for grown-ups”

Ew. Good pun, but ew.

“brown pickle”

Oh, for god’s sake.


Okay, you just lost all your “brown pickle” points for that. Tell Howard he can use my idea of a fruit scent for spring called “Dingleberries,” a fall item called “Spice Your Pumpkin,” and a winter feature called “Sleighbells” but I want royalties.


Comment by allthoughtswork

it’s funny, however (resisting the urge to use that other conjunction) seriously,


Comment by nombre de la pluma

Funny take on an unusual product. sd


Comment by energywriter

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