Subourbon Mom


It’s Not Herpes – I Went to the Dermatologist Today!
May 11, 2018, 4:00 pm
Filed under: Middle Age, Misc. Humor, Posts, Travel | Tags: , , , ,

Today I went to the dermatologist for my annual visit, which always makes me temporarily look like I fell headfirst into a vat of liquid herpes virus.  Blisters are on my forehead, nose and cheeks from where she froze a bunch of questionable freckles and moles.  I also requested to have a skin tag removed so I don’t have a weird, skinny pinky growing out of my neck – but when she froze it off, it blistered, and now it looks like a I have an abnormally small third nipple growing there instead.

One of the things that is supposed to separate us from the animals is our ability to postpone gratification.  We can wait to eat that chocolate bar in the bin at the grocery store checkout when we know there’s a huge anniversary steak waiting for us at Ruth’s Chris.  The flip side of that is our ability to understand that not all consequences are immediate.  The fact that you hung your little brother in the closet all afternoon by the back of his shirt may not have incurred parental wrath until Dad got home. Then the beatings would begin.

Sun damage is the same. When I forgot to flip over as I basted my teenage self, there wasn’t any immediate regret, just the tingle of a mild sunburn or the occasional blister.  Aaaah, but the punishment has begun.  These days, I can see lines that are soon going to make me look like a dried-up prune, or one of those muppets in the movie Labyrinth.reminds me

The movie Something About Mary also comes to mind – and not the Cameron Diaz character.  DBpduiNW0AAkXPp

I’m pretty sure that Botox won’t help either – making my face immobile might take away the lines, but it will also make it impossible for anyone to know if I’m being sarcastic or just super bitchy.

My skin may look 20 years older than I am, but there’s always a silver lining: I don’t have to worry about Hannibal Lecter or Buffalo Bill anymore (Silence of the Lambs).  I think my skin has finally started turning into leather while I’m still wearing it.  It’s not quite saddle or boot material, and no amount of lotion is going to make it into a good skin suit  (don’t ever Google that – trust me).

So that’s my Public Service Announcement – wear your sunblock and your 100 SPF t-shirts, and please, please, please go see your dermatologist regularly.   Not being afraid of Hannibal Lecter and Buffalo Bill is a silver lining, but don’t put yourself in a position where you have to look for one.

 


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