Subourbon Mom

Dress for the Job You REALLY Want

I have a solution to cut some emissions by limiting clothing return costs.

I’m tired of trying to figure out what size I am when buying clothes online.  When clothing sites show me diagrams and ask if I’m apple shaped or pear shaped, rectangular or hourglass (who still uses one of those, anyway?), I have no idea which box to check.   

How about asking if I’m chair-shaped?  Because that’s probably more accurate. I sit in a chair for eight hours a day, then sit on the couch watching tv. 

I think consumers would be better off if companies asked you what body issues you deal with – are your arms too long? Too short? Not fitting into sleeves the circumference of a paper towel roll? Does your stomach currently hang over your pants or is it still managing to hide behind your waistband?  Is your waist small but your hips look like they could squeeze out a watermelon at a moment’s notice?  Are your boobs playing permanent hide-and-seek or are they announcing to the world that they exist and then moving around all on their own? Are your love handles showing beneath your shirt? Are your man-boobs letting the world know what temperature it is?

If companies asked these kinds of sizing questions, we might have more success and cut our return shipping costs in half, thus helping to SAVE THE ENVIRONMENT.

I think office clothing should be described in catalogs by the kind of office job you do: 

1. Casual work-from-home, not client-facing, sits in chair 8-12 hours a day but has to pee a lot and has a sore neck from squinting at the laptop screen.  You would most likely get joggers (comfortable, easy to get on and off), a collared work shirt or blouse with a secret heating pad built into the neckline because your neck is tired from jutting forward, and because people only see you from the waist up.
2. In the office, client-facing, has hot flashes or works in office space with badly controlled heating/cooling systems.  Non-wrinkle suit or tailored skirt and blouse (also with hidden heated/cooling neck pad). Secret pocket for stress ball or fidget or tiny voodoo doll of boss.

Even if you don’t work in an office the same types of “issue” questions would still apply.

Or, better yet, you should be able to dress for the job you actually WANT to do.  For some of you, that may mean dressing like a CEO, which is what we were all taught to do (“Dress for the job you want”). For many of us, it would make coming into work so much more interesting, like Halloween every day, and you get to guess what the other person’s real dreams are/were.

For example, I would love to be a successful author who sits by the pool with a glass of wine contemplating the next chapter of my novel.  Or, my job would be to hike and take equestrian vacations, writing travel blogs and articles. If you wanted to be a firefighter, you could wear the whole outfit, or just the mask.  Same for a scuba diver. Pirate? That would be awesome!

Professional poker player?  Fighter jet pilot? Spy?  The options are endless – and don’t just limit yourself to just one occupational outfit. Life is full of options, and your “dream” wardrobe choices should be too.

In the meantime, until the professional world allows us the freedom to dress for the jobs we REALLY wanted, let’s just see if companies can come up with something a little better than asking what fruit we look like.   

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