Subourbon Mom


Tips for “Manthers”
November 6, 2012, 2:46 am
Filed under: Middle Age | Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Hubby #1, in an effort to go back to being just plain Hubby, decided he could help me out by giving me a week off from writing. This was a great idea, because the Chipmunk Popsicle has gotten his revenge. I hit a deer with Hubby’s car and got rear-ended since posting that blog. The whiplash is just now starting to fade. Seriously, you can’t make this stuff up. The animal kingdom is a firm believer in Kharma.

So, Hubby went to a local bar (with the same friend who suggested covering the paralyzed chipmunk in peanut butter for a kitty snack) and took some notes on an actual attempt by a 50-ish guy to pick up a twenty-one-year-old girl. Peanut Butter’s Wife and I have since decided this was just an excuse for them to talk to 21-year-olds without seeming too creepy.

Tips for “Manthers” Trying to Pick up 21-Year-Olds:

1) Buy their drinks—seriously, Dude, that’s still the rule.
2) Don’t talk about your own 20-year-old kid.
3) Worse, don’t call your 20-year-old kid and have them talk to each other. It’s not a play date.
4) Don’t take a call from your (ex?) wife.
5) Don’t beat her playing pool—let her win. Chivalry ain’t dead.
6) Pay for your own games of pool—a half-assed offer to get quarters from your car says “I’m cheap and still paying off my divorce lawyer.”
7) Don’t ask them where they go to school and act interested.
8) Don’t start dancing like you did 20 years ago—you may pull a hamstring, and The Sprinkler was never cool.
9) Tuck in your t-shirt to avoid your beer gut sagging from underneath. And that soul patch/goatee and earring aren’t fooling anybody. Billy Ray Cyrus couldn’t pull it off either.
10) When the 21-year-old boyfriend shows up, call it a night!




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