Subourbon Mom

I’ve figured out how I’m going to retire early.  Stealing from the under-rated show New Girl, I’m going to start carrying around a Douchebag Jar.

In case you’re still scratching your head and wondering “What the hell is she talking about now?” here’s the deal:  You carry a mason jar or whatever you have handy (depending on where you are it may need to be a full-on trash can), and whenever someone commits an act of douchebaggery, they must contribute a fine to the jar.

What is a douchebag? Urban Dictionary defines it as “An individual who has an over-inflated sense of self-worth, compounded by a low level of intelligence, behaving ridiculously in front of people with no sense of how moronic he appears.”

When can you point out that someone is acting like a douchebag?  Well, that’s where it gets a little tricky.  Generally, calling someone out for douchebaggery at work is not a good idea; after all, we are supposed to respect our colleagues and play nice in the sandbox, etc.  Plus, it could get you fired:

Accuser:           “You owe a dollar to the DB Jar.”
Co-Worker:      “Why?”
Accuser:          “Because you interrupted my client call to tell me you’re going to Bonaroo and MIGHT or MIGHT NOT be back on Monday.”
Co-Worker:        “You’re just jealous.  Going to Bonaroo doesn’t make me DB.”
Accuser:           “No, but thinking your undefined availability while you’re at a concert matters more than my client call, does.”
Co-Worker:     “You’re fired.”
Accuser:          “You still owe The Jar, plus $20 more because you’re 50 and going to Bonaroo.”

Calling someone out that you don’t know, especially in public, can lead to violence (reference every bar fight ever).

So that leaves friends.

That’s right, sometimes you have to call out your friends.  Most folks have at least one friend who periodically acts in a douche-baggy fashion and needs to be corrected.  After all, isn’t that what friends are for? We are friends with people for lots of reasons, but one of the best is that they help to make us better people. Don’t believe me? When was the last time your friends gave you an eye roll or responded in a voice dripping with sarcasm to something you said? That’s your friends correcting your behavior, and in theory making you a better person. The Douchebag Jar is just another tool for correcting behavior.