Subourbon Mom

I recently had a restaurant fail that made me realize:

1. Food should always be clearly labeled
2. Not everything “tastes like chicken”
3. I have a very weak sense of smell
4. Customers should not be too proud or shy to ask questions

A month or so ago I went to a local chain restaurant for lunch with work friends.  I like to try new things on the menu and saw this:

I like mushrooms and Brussels sprouts. I don’t know what bonito is (I do now), but it sounds like another kind of fancy mushroom, so I’ll get it. And no, I didn’t just Google it because I was being polite and not using my phone at the table.

This is what was delivered to my table:

It MOVED.

I freaked out until I realized the heat from the bread was making whatever that was wave like things you see swirling around your feet at the beach – they don’t hurt you, but you don’t want to think about it much, either.

I ate about three pieces before I realized that my friends were looking at me like I’d just pulled a rabbit carcass out of my pocket, put it on the table and kept eating.  About the same time, the smell emanating from the plate finally penetrated my sinuses and I got a whiff of…fish.  And not a good, seasoned salmon or tilapia, either.  It smelled like fish that had sat on the counter too long and the cats were thinking they would reach Nirvana if I would just let them have it.

My stomach flopped and I stopped eating.  Lacy, my co-worker with a five-year-old’s palette, took pity and offered me one of her BBQ sliders. (Lacy I will not make fun of you again for at least a month).

I didn’t get sick, and I know I’m partly to blame for not asking questions. But seriously, who puts mushrooms, Brussels sprouts AND FISH SHAVINGS on a flatbread? And what part of the fish did that come from?  I don’t think you can shave anything on a fish except maybe the skin, and I sure as hell don’t want to eat fish skin unless its salmon and deliciously crunchy inside a sushi roll.

The only kind of fish shaving should happen here.