Subourbon Mom

What A Crock

In the days immediately following Christmas, I turned the national news on and saw that the scrubs were in for the usual anchors.  I should have known right then to just turn it off, but like a driver passing a wreck, I couldn’t look away. I watched as some intern’s work went out over the air, and I cringed.


The anchor was reporting on the delays UPS and Fed-Ex experienced during the holidays, explaining that bad weather, a shortened shopping season and the massive on-line purchases contributed to the delays. Naturally, it followed that they would interview someone who had been inconvenienced. Unfortunately, they chose to interview one of their employees, who was complaining that the dozen or so fresh lobsters she’d ordered for her Christmas Eve dinner were delivered after the event, and her Christmas was ruined.

I’m sorry…a dozen fresh lobsters?

Wow. Her life is HARD.

Nice choice, editorial staff. Way to make a point.

Disgusted, I turned off the news and continued to avoid the holiday clean-up ritual by incessantly playing Candy Crush and Pet Rescue Saga.

A few days later, I was surfing FaceBook (more procrastinating), and I came across the following news report:

Ohio Wife Torches Husband’s Truck After Getting Crock Pot and Cheap Lingerie for Xmas  (

DAYTON — Police arrested 34-year old Tracy Waters yesterday morning after she allegedly set fire to her husband Dave’s 2013 Chevy Silverado Crew Cab in a rage over her Christmas gifts.

“He gave me a slow-cooker and these red nylon crotchless panties with a push-up bra,” Mrs. Waters told police.

“The bra had tassels for fuck sake. Tassels.”

Police have charged Mrs. Waters with arson, assault with a weapon (“a 4-gallon ceramic crock pot with corn-on-the-cob pattern”) and using foul language in public.

Mr. Waters told the Dayton Daily News that he was excited about his gifts for his wife and doesn’t understand why she became angry and turned violent.

“Good food, good lovin’, and a good truck were all I wanted for Christmas,” said the 37-year-old warehouse worker sporting a swollen-shut right eye.


Seriously, you can’t make that stuff up.

These are the people I want to see being interviewed on the national news. When I read the article out loud to Hubby (before thinking it through that our daughters were also in the car), nobody asked why nylons would be crotchless, or why anyone would want tassels.  I was grateful and horrified at the same time.

Hopefully, they also now know that a crockpot counts as a deadly weapon.


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