Subourbon Mom

Ahhh… the holidays are over – tinsel flutters in every corner, the relatives have gone, and decorations are stacked in the hallway – I might leave them there so I don’t have to vacuum for a while.

I’ve spoken to lots of people lately who say they are happy it’s over. I’m right there with you. However, visits with the “Fam-damily” are always a good opportunity to catch up, which in my family means re-living favorite childhood memories, like the time Mom and I put a dead snake on my big brother’s bedroom floor when he tried to sneak in one night. The shriek he let out when he stepped on it reverberated throughout the entire neighborhood. Good times, good times….

We also like to poke fun at the phrases my mom used to say, and that I now inflict on my kids. I thought I’d share a few:

• “Smart people are never bored” – It defies any arguments. I use it on my own kids, and miraculously, they’re never bored.

• “Stir your stumps” – Could someone please explain that one? Mom said this one when we were supposed to be doing a chore or getting ready to go somewhere. When I asked her what it means, she just laughed and said, “I have no idea. My mother used to say it to me.” Maybe one of my ancestors lost a limb or two in the Civil War. Whatever…it conjures up an image of my mom over a cauldron, stirring tree stumps – it’s just weird.

• “Get a drink for your brother” – Of course, at any family gathering, within five minutes of my brother walking into the house, Mom would instruct me to do this. It didn’t matter whose house we are in. Now to be fair, she was brought up in a time when this is what the ladies did, but Brother and Hubby have been told in no uncertain terms that if they want a drink, they know where to get it.

• “Do you have a glass of wine every night?” Ok, so this is a more recent one, but when she came to visit a few months ago and asked me this, I looked her straight in the eye and said, “No, when you come I have three.” That’s when I knew I’d finally grown up…

• “Never pass a bending ass” Alright, I’m adding this one, because it’s just too funny. Apparently it has been in Hubby’s family for years. Basically it’s what you say when you smack someone who is bending over, usually getting the turkey out of the oven, or some other inopportune time like that. I knew I was part of Hubby’s family when my mother-in-law got me. The kids love that one!!!

So as you take down your tree, pay down your credit card, and grab the tinsel out of the heater vent (dancing like one of those blow-up noodle guys at the car dealerships), stir your stumps and serve yourself one last strong cup of family denial disguised as eggnog. I encourage you to take a moment to remember the phrases that make your family unique, and the ones you hear yourself saying, even though they might not make any sense. Then your kids can write about you someday…