Subourbon Mom

The Blob
August 13, 2015, 2:43 am
Filed under: Misc. Humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

150803142446-mysterious-giant-ocean-blob-squid-mass-orig-00004001-full-169Divers recently discovered a translucent blob in the ocean and scientists think it may be a giant squid egg sac.  That’s scary all by itself.  I saw 2000 Leagues Under the Sea.  That one huge eyeball freaked me out for years. I don’t envy the divers down there shining their tiny little diver flashlights onto a giant bubble that no one thought would be there – kind of like the guy in the red shirt on Star Trek who always bit it whenever they went down to some weird planet.

(And about those flashlights: We can send spacecraft to take pictures of the Not-Planet Pluto – are we really unable to make flashlights stronger than the ones those divers were using? If I was down there next to the blob, I’d have a theater spotlight on that thing like it was Bono singing on a New York rooftop.)

I have a couple of different theories about what that blob is:

Some of you may know I can do a lot of gross things, but looking at snot on a little kid is not one of them.  One time I was a timer at my kids’ swim meet, and gagged as the child in my lane got out because of the horror running out of his nose. Even my fellow preschool teachers knew to give me a warning and let me turn around whenever a green goblin appeared.

I think the blob is actually a conglomeration of all the snot that gets expelled in the ocean every summer. Like the Terminator’s liquid-metal T-100 enemy (if he got chopped up, the metal bits would seek each other out and stick back together), I think that blob is all the snot that has found its kind, and will soon:

a) explode into a giant snot spill reminiscent of the Valdez oil spill in Alaska, coating everything in its path – surfers, beaches and avian wildlife will be coated, and no amount of aloe-soaked tissues will be able to wipe it away;

b) explode like a sticky supernova underwater, spreading all of the germs and viruses it contains worldwide; or

c) seek me out like the worst Hitchcock-esque movie plot ever (think The Blob).

Or, it could be a giant glob of sunscreen, washed off into the ocean after another hot summer. Mother nature is very efficient, and I wouldn’t be surprised at all if she managed to corral all that greasy nastiness into one giant sphere, and is using it as a make-shift uterus for some new kind of underwater creature – maybe one that will be able to survive in acidic, pollution-clogged waters.  Just think, there could be millions of eggs getting ready to hatch slithering creatures like the snake thing in the trash compactor Luke, Princess Leah and Hans Solo jumped into, in Star Wars.

Or it could be lots of squid eggs.

2 Comments so far
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The Blob freaked me out when I saw it!!


Comment by Sara

Funny and informative. Great job, Libby.


Comment by energywriter

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