Subourbon Mom


The Weeper
August 12, 2018, 7:39 pm
Filed under: Middle Age, Misc. Humor | Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I was recently invited to a friend’s house to watch the finale of The Bachelorette. Seven women of various ages and relationship stages were there, from college to middle-age, from single to married to divorced to “talking”, or whatever they call it now. I’ve never actually seen more than 5 minutes of any episode (because I think the whole show is any Saturday night at a bar but extended for 15 hour-long rides on the Drama Train).  This time, I decided the girl time was much needed and maybe I could figure out why the show is so popular.

Let me just tell you, I had a GREAT time.  I was yelling and groaning along with everyone as the drama unfolded.  So yes, friends who are rolling their eyes, I can be open to new things.

Now keep in mind while you’re reading this that I still watch Survivorand American Ninja Warriors, and I’m aware that I’m standing in the middle of a huge glass house.

When I arrived, I was ushered into a Bachelorette wonderland:

 

 

 

Each guest had to pick which bachelor “team” they were on.  Since I knew nothing about either of the two finalists (Garrett and Blake), I chose Blake based on the pictures stuck into the team cupcakes.

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And then the drama train started huffing down the Bachelorette tracks.

Or should I say weeping down the tracks. Oh my God, I have never seen so much weeping on one show.  Mostly by Garrett. And let me tell you, Team Garrett lapped it up, goofy, salty tears and all.

“He’ll make such a great dad!”
“He’s so sensitive!”
“Why can’t I get a guy like that?”
“Why can’t I get a guy at all?” (Note – these girls were all gorgeous and in their 20’s – huge eye roll)
“He just seems so genuine!”

I wanted to hurl myself in front of the train, if only to make Garret stop crying every time it rained (often) or when he saw Becca (also often).  What sealed the deal for me and Blake was when Garrett played his trump card – he told Becca he felt like her deceased father was with them. Becca melted, he cried (again? seriously?), she cried, and I finished another glass of rosé to get the taste of throw up out of my mouth.

Now, before all you Team Garret people FTFO, you need to understand something about me – I’m not a weeper, at least not where people can see me.  When our 15-year-old dog died, my kids later told me that was the first time they’d ever seen me cry – that was three years ago, and they are eighteen and twenty.  The Fam constantly makes fun of me for not crying when we watch sad TV shows. Clearly, I also have issues.

Obviously, watching Garrett the Weeper made me uncomfortable. All I could think of was: She’s going to be raising man-child along with her actual kids.  poor thing – she’s always going to have to be the Bad Cop because he’s too emotional to do it the other half  ofthe time.  Plus he smiles when he’s crying and its creepy.

AND THEN SHE PICKED HIM!

There was more weeping from Team Garrett, and gnashing of teeth from Team Blake.  But the best (and most important) part of the whole night was the dialogue that emerged during the event: What makes a good marriage, or a good boyfriend?  When and how often should you be crying in a relationship?  What kind of man makes a good father?

The show is still ridiculous, but it sparked these cell-phone-free conversations for straight two hours, and that, my friends, almost brings tears to my eyes.

(To hear another version of this night, check out my friend Alex’s blog. )

 

 

 

 

 

 

 




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