Subourbon Mom


Skeezers and Other Words I Made Up
August 7, 2013, 8:03 pm
Filed under: Misc. Humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

The other day I opened my email and yipped for joy.

I’d won a contest!

I WON SOMETHING!

Okay, so I didn’t exactly win anything substantial, except some dubious recognition that I’m clever with words.

But still, I won something!

Months ago, I submitted a new definition for the word porcupine (a yearning for bacon) to my alma mater’s English Department newsletter. Since they didn’t print anyone else’s second- or third-place submissions, I think I was the only one nerdy enough to enter.

But I won!

So, basking in my success, I thought I’d share with you some of my other made-up words and definitions (beware—some of these are NOT kid-friendly):

Ho-rizen:  A slut getting up in the morning after a one night stand;

Far Ho-rizen:  A slut getting up after a one night stand who has to drive home; or, a pyromaniac slut getting up after a one night stand;

Lexit:  The awkward act of trying to exit a sports car in a tight skirt (a la Brittany

Spears), legs first;

Skeezer:  The creepy older guy who waterskis right next to the dock where your

teenaged daughters are basking;

Thongstipation:  When you’re wearing a thong & it makes you feel like you have to go, even if you don’t;

Liarrheah:   Chronic lying or the series of lies that build on each other after you tell just one;

Textual intercourse:            Sexting;

Failienation:  When your friends leave you by yourself after an epic social fail;

Highway eye-pass:  The cool glancing over at the driver next to you, but when you realize they aren’t as cute as you thought, you keep your eyes sliding past them like you’re looking at something else;

Paddle Bored:  When you are in a canoe/kayak and wish you were in a motorboat;

I Exam:  The act of self-examination after a decision;

I Make-up:  Forgiving yourself for the bad decision;

I Glasses:  The multiple wine glasses/red solo cups claimed during a party that may or may not actually be yours;

Vagenda:  Women on the prowl have one of these (I can’t remember if I made this one up or heard it somewhere, but I still think it’s funny);

Aunts-in-your-pants:  Your mom’s cougar friend who thinks you’re hot; (pronounced ants-in-your-pants)

Cheetos:  Using artificial means to achieve orgasm;

Out-of-the-box:  When a man has been denied sex;

 

So, if you think of any on your own, especially during those long car trips this summer, let me know!




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