Filed under: Exercise | Tags: Exercise, gym, humor, Middle-Age, mom, southern, sports, workouts
In my quest to keep myself occupied at the gym, I have started playing the game, “What animal does he/she look like?” Most of the time the people look like what they are—overweight homo sapiens. Occasionally, though, some stand out. Here are a few:
The Gerbil (this would be me): I didn’t realize I look like one until a guy walked by grinning and making gerbil hand motions at me as I powered through on the I-limp-and-drool. There are a lot of us doing this, so I didn’t feel too bad, but it did cross my mind that if Obama is looking for alternative energy sources, he could just hook something up to the gym machines in America. Of course, there would have to be tax incentives.
The Sloth: These people trudge into the gym, wearing the same expression one has when sitting down in a chair to read a book, which is what the Gym Sloths do. They bring a book/magazine/iPad to a recumbent machine and proceed to slowly pedal for a good 45 minutes. They rarely break a sweat and are in zero danger of causing undo stress on their heart or joints. But hey—they’re not sitting on the couch.
The Peacock: These members are usually dressed in some form of spandex or lycra, and deserve to wear it. They preen and pose and flex as they work out, glancing around to see who is watching. (In the gym I go to, these folks don’t show up until after 5:00 p.m., when happy hour is fueled by exercise endorphins, instead of cheap alcohol.) What’s fun is watching one peacock show off for another, only to have the one they are trying to attract start preening for someone else. Not much different than a club, or a henhouse, I suspect.
The Magpies: These are the moms who show up in groups or meet there for some much-needed adult chat. They frequently climb on the treadmills or the I-limp-and-drools and chirp away, moving at a pace fast enough to justify being there but not so fast they gasp as they gossip. While they exercise, their bodies pop up and down, heads bobbing, looking like birds in a nest (or whack-a-mole).
The Chameleon: (me again) This person begins their workout with a normal skin tone, probably a little pale from pecking away in a cube all day. However, as their cardio workout progresses, their face and body language undergo some changes. First, their cheeks get pink, then red, until their faces turn into something resembling a rare tuna steak. At this stage, blood vessels burst and sweat drips onto the machinery. Controlled movements become a weak flailing, and their breathing sounds like a locomotive, or the puffing one hears during Lamaze class. While their appearance isn’t intended to serve as a form of camouflage, their ability to change appearance is remarkable.
The Cat: These women come to the gym dressed in sleek, black spandex yoga pants and fitted tops. There is not a panty line in sight. They are generally long and lean, and attract the envy of the other women, and the lust of everybody else. Men actually stop what they are doing to watch as these cat-like creatures slink through their routines. They slowly bend and stretch, demonstrating their flexibility and toned musculature. Having the grace of a hippopotamus, I’m totally jealous. Meow.
The Chicken: These male gym creatures come in all ages. They spend most of their time doing upper body work, and have the bulging pecs, biceps and triceps to prove it. However, they neglect the lower half of their bodies. Below their workout shorts emerge two spindly legs, looking remarkably like two pieces of kindling, or chicken legs.
Who knew the gym was such a wealth of entertainment? It’s my own personal version of Animal Planet.
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Subourbon Mom 
Thanks for the laugh! I don’t think I fit into any of those so I guess I can continue to not go to the gym! My answer to weight loss is breast feeding 🙂
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Comment by Jenn March 8, 2013 @ 2:08 pmBreast feeding is the best weight loss plan evergood luck!
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Comment by libbyhall March 8, 2013 @ 2:33 pmLoved it! Although I may never go to the gym again! I never knew how many people might be watching! Lately I’ve been on the “FitBit” synced with “MyFitnessPal” weight loss track.
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Comment by Lacy March 8, 2013 @ 2:42 pmIs that a YMCA thing or American Family or something on-line?
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Comment by libbyhall March 8, 2013 @ 2:48 pmActually FitBit One is my new pedometer that syncs with the iPhone/Android app “MyFitnessPal” – a MUST download! FitBit One tracks your steps, calories, steps and even your sleep patterns. It syncs the calories burned with the MyFitnessPal app where you track your foods and exercise for the day. Also lets you follow your friends that are using it. A great motivator without going all Weight Watchers. 🙂
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Comment by Lacy March 8, 2013 @ 7:24 pmI love your posts about the gym! I know exactly what you’re talking about and I can totally relate – I swear your sweaty eliptical friends goes to my gym, too. Or maybe it’s his brother…
Anyway, I’d like to think I’m a cat, but after the first 10 minutes I inevitabley turn into a chameleon. Not so attractive with an incredibly pale body and kool-aid man red face. All I can say is I’m glad I already have a man, but not so glad that he goes to the gym with me and gets to witness said face, and then point and laugh. 🙂
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Comment by Kelly March 8, 2013 @ 6:12 pmSo glad you liked it, and that I’m not alone in my observations!
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Comment by libbyhall March 8, 2013 @ 7:06 pmWay cool! Some extremely valid points! I appreciate
you writing this write-up and the rest of the site is extremely good.
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Comment by meratol reviews March 19, 2013 @ 4:53 pmGlad you liked it!
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Comment by libbyhall March 25, 2013 @ 11:42 pmI seldom leave a response, however after reading a few of the responses here Gerbils and Other
Gym Rats | Subourbon Mom. I actually do have 2 questions
for you if it’s allright. Could it be only me or does it look like a few of the comments look like they are coming from brain dead folks? 😛 And, if you are writing on other social sites, I would like to keep up with anything new you have to post. Could you list of the complete urls of all your social networking sites like your twitter feed, Facebook page or linkedin profile?
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Comment by how to do yoga chair pose April 4, 2013 @ 11:21 amI’m glad you’re enjoying it! However, this is the only thing I’m doign other than a novel and some freelance work. I’m still technology repellant…and probably too long-winded for Twitter. 🙂
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Comment by libbyhall April 11, 2013 @ 4:57 pm